Thank you everyone for your advice and suggestions on my previous post (here:http://ift.tt/1Fap66Y). I'm still having trouble processing this so please hear me out.
A lot of you were worried about the lack of consent in the first incident with Beth. When I read back over my post I agree it's hard to argue otherwise. I don't think anybody said the "R" word but it's been freaking me out a little. Sometimes I feel pretty gross that I liked it so much.
I was really agonizing over the whole thing, going both ways about what I was going to do if Beth reached out again. I've almost said something to Aaron but didn't know how. I thought maybe if it didn't go any further then I could just pretend the whole thing never happened, and eventually I could forget about it. Well, that didn't happen.
I mentioned earlier that Aaron and I were working together to organize an event. Without getting into too much detail, it was a fundraiser, basically. I knew ahead of time Beth would probably be there. I was so, so nervous about seeing her. How would she act? How was I supposed to act?
She basically ignored me all night. She was in "cold" mode again. When she does turn on the charm, it's like a fire hose, but that night it wasn't directed at me. It seemed like she was laughing and flirting with everyone but me. Part of me knew what she was fucking doing, and I was mad at myself that it was working. I couldn't help it, I wanted to be near her. I tried to just concentrate on the event.
There was an odd moment where I was looking across the room at Beth, and at everyone around us, and I just thought, "Nobody knows that this absolutely crazy thing is happening."
When things were winding down, she came over and said that Aaron was going to stick around for a while with some of the other volunteers to wrap things up. Would I mind giving her a ride home? I started to say that I should stay, that I thought they might need my help too. But she grabbed my arm hard and just said, "Take me home," very intently. The way she said it I kind of just melted. It was the same voice she uses when she tells me to take off my clothes or to get on my knees. I grabbed my things and left with her immediately. I didn't even say goodbye to anyone.
I justified it by telling myself that once we were alone I could talk to her honestly. Maybe to ask her what this was, exactly. But I had butterflies during the whole drive, and when we got there she immediately started bossing me around and belittling me. It was what I wanted anyway. I'd been craving her attention all night and now I had it. I guess I just snapped into a submissive mode. Plus I was fucking turned on and it was hard to think straight.
She said she was disgusted with me for "acting like a slut" all night. She made me undress in front of her while she kept her clothes on. She slapped my ass and said, "Is this what you wanted?"
She accused me of teasing Aaron and leading him on, and I got into it and said yeah, I was a really bad girl for teasing him (even though I never have). I just went with it. She said I dressed like a slut: that my dress tonight was too short and it made my boobs look too big. That felt true enough that I was embarrassed and felt guilty. (Honestly, though, my boobs aren't THAT big, but I'm self-conscious about them sometimes, so she struck a nerve.)
She spanked me some more: I laid across her lap while she talked dirty to me, and called me names, and I told her how much I wanted this and had been thinking about it. The spanking was not as rough this time, more playful (I kind of wanted her to be a LITTLE rougher, actually). She basically alternated between spanking me and fingering me. Sometimes she would stop and make me suck on her fingers that had been inside me. Eventually I was grinding hard against her hand trying to orgasm.
Then I got on my knees to go down on her, but she wouldn't let me. First she made me watch her masturbate right in front of me. She put her foot on my shoulder to keep me from getting closer and made me beg her to let me eat her out. Oh my god. That was really, really hot. I seriously had to grovel and it drove me crazy. When she finally let me, I was so worked up that I licked her pussy like I was just starving for it. I can't explain it better than that.
The other times when I went down on her she had given me a lot of direction about what she liked. But this time she didn't really, so I felt like I must be getting better at it. I was weirdly proud of that.
When she was done she pulled me up next to her and said, "You can come now." It was embarrassing but I masturbated next to her while we made out. That was our first kiss, isn't that weird? We'd done all this stuff but had never even kissed yet. Anyway.
This time she didn't make me leave right away. I laid next to her and we cuddled, sort of. It was weird. She was stroking my back and telling me how nice it had been. I remembered Aaron and that he would be home at some point. Finally I worked up the nerve to say something. I just said that I didn't think we should keep doing this behind Aaron's back. That's when she told me everything.
So it turns out Aaron already knew what's been going on. I guess that knowing look I picked up on was real.
This all started when they had been fantasizing together about having a threesome. They were discussing what kind of girl they wanted to sleep with, and it was BETH who originally mentioned me. She told me that Aaron got SUPER turned on when she said that, and they fucked like crazy while they talked about sharing me. Beth said she was also into it in the moment, but when he brought me up the next time they had sex, and tried to get the fantasy going again, that's when she started to get jealous.
They had a big fight, and she pretty much shut it down and told him no more talk about me. But she kept stewing about it and getting angrier, wondering why he'd had such a strong reaction to the idea of me. That's the mood she'd been in when I came over that first day. She told me she hadn't planned on anything happening, but she was genuinely upset. And when she was spanking me, something flipped for her, same as it had for me.
The other piece of this is that Aaron and Beth have been doing some dom/sub stuff, too. Like she'll boss him around and tell him he's pathetic, similar to what we've been doing. After the day when she first spanked me, she told him about it immediately. Of course he was into it. But she told him under no circumstances would anything ever happen between me and him. That he didn't deserve me, he was a pervert for even thinking it, etc. Both of them are turned on by the idea of her withholding me from him. That he wants me so badly but only she is allowed to have me, something like that.
The last time when she texted me to come over, she had apparently just sent him to the bar around the corner. And as soon as I left, she'd called him to come back. Then she told him every detail while they fucked. Tonight she had essentially done the same thing. He was just waiting for her signal to come home. He knew what we were doing! That made me kind of uncomfortable but I don't know exactly why.
I was quiet for a minute and then I said I had to go and left pretty quickly. It just felt weird that I had been included in their fantasy life without being asked? I mean, Beth shared the private things we'd done. Also, last time she kept my panties afterward. She probably fucking gave those to Aaron. This makes me feel like I've just been their sex toy to play with. But when I put it into those words—"I was their sex toy"—that's fucking hot.
Am I wrong to be kind of upset?
TLDR: More lesbian stuff happened. Aaron knows. I kind of feel used, but I kind of like feeling used?
muffingenie