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[This is a work of fiction but may bring to mind what actually happens sometimes all around the world e.g. in India (often in far more extreme form) so girl-tourists should use caution in India. Nobody herein described is meant to resemble any real person alive or dead. This text is not to be construed as a guide to appropriate behavior and condemns gender-violence of any kind. It's possible that the reader will get off to this. If he does not, he may get off pondering its moral message. Trigger Warning: hipsters, contempt, ACAB.]
Two policemen rode together in a police-car to what they thought was a crackhouse but was in fact your law-abiding, sovereign home. Due to a minor error in transcription, they'd been given the wrong address. As they drove, one policeman ranted the following to his partner shortly before bursting through your front door and killing you and your whole family.
"So I had this roommate once, back when I lived in Philedelphia. She was hotter than shit and her name was Liz. She was the only one we interviewed for the vacant space and I immediately pushed the others to accept her and in my mind I was like, 'OMG she is so hot, so much hotter than my girlfriend, I can't believe I get to live with someone so hot,' etc. She dressed kind of hipster but whatever, I don't mind as long as they're nice. I convinced my girlfriend and our roommate to let her move in. Well talk about a mistake! Liz was a biiiiiitch. She threw these snotty little tantrums every damn day. The worst was when she'd come home from "shows" where she spent hours pretending to be cool and copying the (likewise feigned) enjoyment of these LOL 'creatives' nodding their heads at the shitty, forgettable bands and their uncreative music. She'd come home and cry like a bitch, 'It's no fair, I buy all the clothes, I have all the CDs, and they never invite me back after the shows! Why do they hate me?! I know it's because I'm hot. They never want to chill with me!' and so on, and even then I was just like, 'I wonder why.' LOL.
"And she was the shittiest roommate ever and she was as shallow as fuck and so full of herself and thought she was all that, even though she didn't know shit about anything important or interesting and actually, she could barely even read. She'd dropped out in like 8th grade or something to just get piercings and work retail and pretend to enjoy the same shitty music all the other scenester scum listen to. She was so fucking dumb and always wanted to be the center of attention and there were literally dozens of words we stopped using when she moved in, and the level of discourse and intelligent vibe we'd enjoyed before just withered in the presence of this narcissistic illiterate lowlife. But I digress. One fateful night a few of our friends show up and things are good – playing some hiphop and digging it – and Liz is getting more and more pissy and finally just wiggles her leggings-clad hipster butt over to where I'm sitting and starts messing with my itunes. And I was like, 'can I help you?' and she just launches into one of her whiny typical fits about how she's never having any fun and we were so lame blah-blah-blah, emphasizing that we only ever listened to, as she put it, 'yallz muzik' and never hers.
"And I was sick of being polite to this little cunt and just tell her straight up, 'I'm sorry Liz but your music sucks.' And she stamps her stupid Uggbooted foot, whinily harrumphing and sneering, 'How many showz YOU been to, asshole?!' and I laughed and said, "I never contested that you have seen a fuckton of live so-called car jerk off 'music' but it's fucking shit and all you care about it fashion and you look like fucking every other uncreative scenester wannabe and you think you're so fucking cute, so fucking scene, but your tastes are garbage and your opinions are ignorant Nothing and fuck you, Liz,' I leered at her body, 'you pathetic, gross, poseur brat.' And people are nervously tittering at this point and Liz is squawking inarticulately in protestation unable to get a word in as I was like, 'you're a fucking brat, Liz, from the minute you signed on as our roommate you've done nothing but adjust your nose-ring and laugh like an idiot and act how to have sex in a car like a fucking 13 year old. I swear to God, Liz, what did your parents do when you threw a tantrum? Because the way you're acting right now seems like you need to be put over someone's jacking off in car knee.'
"One friend of mine, kind of a creep, gives this involuntary grunt. Liz's eyes widen, 'You fucking pervert,' she quacks, and I'm muttering, 'You need a fucking spanking. Imma spank the fuck out of you,' as I reach for the hem of her leggings and yank them down to the cliche tattoos of her ankles, provoking in her an angered, 'HEY,' and I point at her loins and am like, 'Hey check it out!' because she was wearing, get this, a motherfucking Nickleback thong. She's looking around at everyone and blushing because they're laughing at her thong and the fact that she's such a goddamn poseur and has such terrible taste in everything. And she looks like a deer in headlights as I just kind of grab her tiny waist and deftly flip her little emo body across my lap and behold her beautiful pale haunches, this big bad donk that I'd thought of so many times jerking off in that wretched apartment and never dreamed of seeing naked now bounce infantalizingly for my delight, right there in my face, as she squirms around and kicks and makes these whiny embarrassed noises, helpless about her jiggling bootymeat. Nobody even tries to stop me.
I lick the palm of my hand a raise it and bring it down like SLAP, and she gives this little bark of outrage. I keep my hand on her buttcheek, just kind of squeezing it in this delicious and entitled way as our friends all chuckle and even my girfriend at the time (although really into opiates in those days, wasn't all there, whatever) — even she encourages me. So what's stopping me? Certainly not Liz! I raise my hand again and bring it back down like SLAP and she moans and continues to struggle in my grasp, and I raise my hand again and BAM clapped that bitch's ass like I fucking owned it.
I obviously didn't spank her as hard as I could have because I'm not an asshole — but the thing is, I hold this stupid superficial brainwashed consumerist brat in such incomperable contempt and she's just so shapely and inexpressibly hot, that feeling said contempt and lust combusted into this incredible feeling (only felt elsewhere the one time I tried meth) and I started vocalizing all these insecure alpha things to bully her, punctuating my monologue with regular authoritarian slaps to make her fat quivering butt redder and redder and Liz is just sniveling and crying while everybody laughs at her and I'm just taking charge of this brat and humiliating the shit out of her in front of her entire social circle (not the hipster faggotry she aspired to, but the kids she actually saw all the time) and we all laugh at her as she sobs in my lap and I'm like — CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!, spanking both buttcheeks unmercifully and imperiously and every time my palm lands with a SMACK on her soft bum it elicits this little bark of displeasure."
"What did you say in your monologue to her?"
"Haha — you're sweating, aren't ya? Hahaha I've seen you in the front lines shooting innocent Black people who dindu nuffin hahaha — but this too hot for you? Even you? No? Well okay. So this bitch is bent over my lap and I 'm slapping away like I'm tenderizing raw chicken, just breaking her and owning her ass and I can't help it, I start out muttering at her and by the end I'm just shouting like it's anal porn or something and my hand's going CLAP-CLAP-CLAP and what I was shouting was such ridick shit! It was awesome, too — I remember it very well. I was like..."
"Fuck, wer'e here..." his partner interrupted sadly as cop-car pulled into your driveway.
"Ah, shit! Well I'll cut to the chase then: I spank the fuck out of her and Liz was crying and pleading and sniveling like the humiliated little brat she is, and much to the delight of everyone (except her of course, LOL) the creepy acquaintence I told you about, the kid at the party who couldn't help but moan at Liz's fate — this hilarious, awesome, gross dude walks over to where I'm spanking her, pulls down his sweatpants, withdraws this big hard boner, and cums hard in Liz's face. It was cooler than Hell."
"That's fucked up, bro..." his partner murmured, snapping the clip into his gun and taking aim at your family dog.
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